by Part of our “Becoming Whole” series exploring identity, purpose, and belonging
The Foundation of Boundaries
Who am I? Why am I here? Where do I fit in? These fundamental questions of identity, purpose, and belonging follow us through every stage of life. As Christians, our framework for answering them should be rooted in the greatest commandments: to love God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength, and to love our neighbor as ourselves.
But here’s what many of us miss—that little phrase “as yourself.” We’re called to love ourselves too, which means setting healthy boundaries.
God’s Blueprint for Boundaries
Boundaries aren’t just good advice—they’re baked into creation itself. In Proverbs, wisdom declares: “I was there when he set the limit for the sea, so that the waters would not violate his command.” In Job 38, God says, “You may come this far, but no further, your proud waves stop here.”
God drew boundary lines from the beginning, and bad things happen when those boundaries are violated. The same is true in our lives. There are certain things we need to say: “You can come this far, but no further. Your proud waves stop here.”
Why Boundaries Matter
Think about guardrails on mountain passes or barriers protecting pedestrians from traffic. These aren’t there to restrict us—they’re there to keep us safe. Remember bowling with bumpers? Those boundaries actually reduce anxiety and help us perform better because we’re not constantly worried about the gutters.
Life goes better when we have healthy boundaries in place. They help us live free from unnecessary burden and anxiety.
Four Areas to Guard
1. Guard Your Heart
Proverbs 4:23: “Guard your heart above all else, for it is the source of life.”
When ancient Hebrews talked about the heart, they meant the center of decision-making—where thoughts, actions, and words spring from. We must guard what we allow into our lives because of a simple principle from computer programming: “Garbage in, garbage out.”
I’ve noticed this in my own life. When I consume content that’s pure rage bait—stuff designed to make me angry and anxious—I become angrier. My fuse gets shorter with the people closest to me. The garbage I allow in overflows into every other aspect of my life.
Block, snooze, delete, set limits. Whatever it takes to guard your heart, because Jesus said, “The mouth speaks from the overflow of the heart.”
2. Guard Your Character
Acts 5:29: “We must obey God rather than people.”
Paul writes that God’s grace teaches us “to deny godlessness and worldly lusts” and “to say no” so we can say yes to the life God has called us to live.
Look at Joseph in Genesis 39. Betrayed by his brothers, sold into slavery, far from home—yet when Potiphar’s wife tried to seduce him, he refused. Not because he’d sin against her or his master, but because he’d “sin against God.” He could have gotten away with it, but he stood for something.
Character and integrity take a lifetime to build but moments to ruin. Guard yours fiercely.
3. Guard Your Resources
Mark 1:35-38: Jesus withdrew to pray, and when everyone was looking for him, he chose to go elsewhere to preach.
You shouldn’t hoard your resources, but you must guard and steward them well. You are finite. You have limited time, energy, and resources. You cannot be everywhere at once or serve everyone simultaneously. Even Jesus, in his human body, had to make these choices.
When Jesus sent out his disciples, he told them: “If anyone does not welcome you or listen to your words, shake the dust off your feet.” Don’t waste your resources on people who aren’t ready to listen.
Sometimes you must say no to something good to say yes to something better. The hardest choices are often between two good options. That’s why we need the Spirit’s guidance—we cannot do everything, everywhere, all the time.
4. Guard Your Relationships
1 Corinthians 15:33: “Bad company corrupts good morals.”
This might be the hardest boundary for some of us because we want everyone to feel loved and welcomed. But we must watch out.
If I had one person stand on a chair and another on the ground, which would be easier—pulling someone up or pulling someone down? We all know the answer.
There are people you’re better off avoiding because they will drag you down easier than you can lift them up. Romans 16:17 tells us to “watch out for those who create divisions” and “avoid them.”
When you say yes to Jesus, you’re inherently saying no to something or someone else. Sometimes that means distancing yourself from certain relationships. You can still love them, but that doesn’t mean giving them full access to your life.
Living in Peace
One of my go-to verses for relationship struggles is Romans 12:18: “If possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”
Sometimes it might not be possible, and sometimes it depends on the other person. The only person you can control is yourself. Self-control isn’t just about avoiding that second donut—it’s recognizing you can only control yourself, not others.
The Benefits of Healthy Boundaries
Healthy boundaries:
- Prioritize your love for God and neighbor
- Protect your morals, values, character, and integrity
- Prevent the tyranny of the urgent from dictating your life
- Promote flourishing, healthy relationships
- Provide opportunities to heal, grow, and restore
Come Away and Rest
In Mark 6, after the disciples returned from their missionary journey, exhausted from serving, Jesus told them: “Come away by yourselves to a remote place and rest awhile.”
Jesus established healthy boundaries for them: Disconnect from the world so you can reconnect with God. You cannot pour from an empty vessel.
God has given you everything in your life. Now be a good steward of it. Set those boundary markers. Say to whatever threatens your wellbeing: “Your proud waves stop here.”
What boundaries do you need to establish in your life today? Remember, setting healthy boundaries isn’t selfish—it’s essential for becoming the person God has called you to be.
LISTEN TO OR WATCH THE FULL SERMON:
Daniel N. Lee 